i die


This is the time of year that I most need to hire a personal diet sitter to accompany me to the grocery store and keep me out of the dairy section. Because if it was up to me we’d be able to buy Eggnog year round. Or it would just flow from our kitchen sink instead of water, and we’d pour it over our cereal every morning, and there’d be such a thing as “eggnog cubes” which we’d flavor our coffee with. One lump or two? Seriously, if I happen to die in Walmart, please drag my body to the eggnog aisle.