conversation with the pest control guy

chicks at four and a half weeks

*doorbell rings*

Me: “Hi.”

Pest control guy: “Hey, I just sprayed around the outside of the house. Have you had any problems inside since the last time I was here?”

Me: “Sort of. There’s been a few incidents with enormous spiders in the kitchen. Which my husband insists on catching and releasing in the woods so they can make their way right back inside.”

Pest control guy: “Okay. Want me to spray around the kitchen?”

Me: “Yes. But let’s just keep it between us. And actually, since you’re here could you spray around the rest of the house as well? Just to be thorough?”

Pest control guy: “Sure thing.”

Me: “But maybe skip the hall bathroom. Because there’re chickens in there?”

Pest control guy: “Chickens?”

Me: “Yeah. They’re in the bathtub.

Pest control guy: “The bathtub?”

Me: “Uh-huh. See, I thought I could just pull the shower curtain closed whenever we had company and no one would know we’re raising chickens in the house, except sometimes they peck each other in the eye. And you wouldn’t believe the sort of racket they make when that happens. Can you imagine being in someone else’s bathroom and hearing that coming from the shower? Like a horror movie or that book about the crocodile in the tub…”

Pest control guy: ??!

Me: “Is this the strangest thing you’ve ever seen in someone’s house?”

Pest control guy: “Sadly, no.”